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Tag: self-care

Restless.

Restless.

I pretended for too long last week that I’ll be okay and that my body will be fine if I push through and work as hard as I can. Saturday and Sunday my body told me in no uncertain terms that it does not work that way. My body needs me to rest, to sit still for hours, to use as little brain and body power as possible while it knits my lungs back together into usable pieces.

Attempting to rest leaves me restless. I have too much time to compare myself to others. There are too many shoulda, coulda, wouldas circling around my head. Too many things I was supposed to do, ways I was supposed to conform.

And that’s not my path right now.

Last night, I did a simple Past, Present, Future spread for myself.

Three Tarot cards lined up: The Devil, Death, and 8 of Chalices
Past, Present, Future: XV The Devil, XIII Death, 8 of Chalices

Card 1: Past – XV The Devil. Expectations to grow up, get a job, find a career that interests me. This is the devil I know, and it is eating me up inside. Why do I subject myself to this? Because I assume it’s the only way. Is it really?

Card 2: Present – XIII Death. This may be the first time I have actually drawn Death. In movies and TV, when Death is drawn, it’s a melodramatic affair. Who will die next? Everyone asks. That’s not what Death stands for. Death stands for a metaphorical death, the same kind of death as controlled brush fires in a forest: the death of old so that something new can come in. This might be the very real death of my expectations and ideals of being “normal”. And it’s okay to grieve that, so long as I am not stuck in that grief.

Card 3: Future – 8 of Chalices. One official meaning of this card I read is to work with limited resources. Which is what I have right now: limited resources for good health. Another friend suggested that this is another analog to Spoon Theory. Fact: I don’t have enough spoons right now. Conclusion: Time to work with what I have.

This card shows a Fae about to embark on a long, solitary road. My first reaction is relief – I’ve been trying so hard to make “being a sociable person” work, but if I can successfully take care of my needs while walking a solitary road, I would be content. In that respect, the card promises better things for me. I just have to let Death take over all the shoulda, coulda, wouldas, clear the ground for me to walk my path, the one meant just for me.

Looks like an auspicious time to try out a new journey and stop fitting myself into the mold that has never worked for me.

Slowing down

Slowing down

Hello, Luminous Emporium! I’m currently on my lunch break at work and working out all sorts of raging thoughts. It’s hot, humid, and air quality hasn’t been great over where I live right now, so I’ve been escaping to a friend’s house with central air conditioning. Meaning I haven’t gotten much done the last couple of evenings with regards to study and building new routines into my life, but you know that we ALL need breaks from having to do things all the time, right? Right. (Why yes I do remind myself of this often!)

Since I’ve been so lax in my Looking Forward posts recently, I’ve been toying with the idea of building Tarot reading into my daily routine: maybe draw a card in the morning to study and start my day, or in the evening? Evenings tend to not work well as I get caught up in some exciting thing or another, then act like a toddler at bedtime, too excited about what’s going on but too tired to go to sleep. I have been picking up my spiritual and Tarot books with more regularity, so I am counting this as a win!

While Becky is monopolizing the cool artsy lifestyle, I’m brainstorming lotions and potions to make. I’m a big fan of homemade deodorant, and I figure if I can make my own deodorant and a lotion that works really well for me, why not also make some special lotions and potions for you all? Use the tidbits of aromatherapy knowledge I’ve picked up from one place or another over my life for good, right? Maybe even put some spells into it, for added witchyness!

I’m slowing down in the sense that it’s hot and to properly take care of myself, I need to make sure I am resting in the evenings. “Go go go” simply doesn’t work for my body, and that’s okay. Meet yourself where you are, right? Still, it’s hard to be patient and take it easy when we’ve got so many ideas and plans to develop and unveil!

Five Minutes of Magic

Five Minutes of Magic

I usually hate videos on the Internet, but I’ve been somewhat bored at work lately and easily tempted by makeup blogs. Most videos don’t impart any information that could just as well come through text and photos, so I still don’t enjoy most of them. This one, though, is absolutely better as a video, and absolutely worth watching. It made me tear up. (I rarely cry!)

What’s your five minutes of magic?

Emergency self-care!

Emergency self-care!

I’m on day 6 of a cold and yesterday I went out and did too much, so I woke up worse for the wear and having trouble breathing. Unfortunately, my to-do list is still miles long and some of the items on it fill me with dread. Then just now, I found out that Sir Terry Pratchett died today, and decided today was a good day for some emergency self-care.

Things in my Self-Care Box o’ Tricks:

  • Last night I downloaded new books to the Kindle from the library! I’ve been waiting to read Divergent by Veronica Roth until all the hype died down and now it’s down and I am looking forward to it.
  • Listening to my favorite band and the music that has made me feel safe and comforted for over ten years.
  • Catching up on The Mystic Foundation, which I haven’t had time to read and digest with moving and such going on.
  • Snuggling with Miss Pepper, who never not wants to be in my lap… and could really use some grooming.
  • Deep breaths and lots and lots of delicious herbal tea.

What’s in your Self-Care Box o’ Tricks?

(I apologize for not posting Looking Forward the last two Mondays. I moved the weekend before last, and I’m not quite back in the swing of things!)

Ramped-up anxiety

Ramped-up anxiety

Those large forces at work that I talked about in my Looking Forward post for the week seem to be hitting me with everything they got, leaving me tense, anxious, and shaky as all get-out. Times like this I really wish I could get to the gym and throw myself into some upper body strength training, but my asthma has kept me from it, even though getting out the adrenaline would go a long way to alleviating the anxiety.

So I’ve been trying a combination of things to keep myself from self destructing this week. It’s been so bad that I’ve been taking a prescription anti-anxiety medicine once I get home from everything (which tends to be rather late, unfortunately). When I’m out, I spray Aura Cacia Panic Button around me to calm me down. It’s not quite the formula that works best to calm me down (Origins Peace of Mind is wonderful, especially for night time).

Last night I also tried Anxiety Relief essential oil in a oil burner that I bought at The Body Shop. It really filled the room with a soothing scent, and I am pretty sure I’ll try it again. I had a bad experience at their store recently, though, so I’d like to find another source. (Looking for metaphysical supplies in the Minneapolis area? I can’t recommend everything at Magus Books enough. Hey, maybe they can find me a replacement essential oil.)

I’ve been suggested to try meditation or yoga, but while those are wonderful ways to keep my anxiety in check on a day-to-day basis, I can’t stay still long enough for its benefits to reach my already-troubled mind. I need to move. Swiftly. But I can’t while my asthma is so severe, so I’m at a loss and the rush in my mind keeps building.

So I’m not sure what to do. I may say “screw breathing and other plans” and head to the gym one of these days. Maybe that will even help my sleep.

Disclaimer: I’ve purchased all products mentioned on my own over the years and am not compensated in any way for linking to them.