Nervous, fearful, and ready
Today’s to-do list is starting to feel oppressively long and scary, which means it’s time to do something that makes me nervous first: write it out.
Like I said earlier, the theme so far this year has been intense. This week has held my first committee meeting where I’m a co-chair and therefore leading discussion (terrifying for the quiet kid in the corner!), my birthday that same day, anxiety and fear about surgery next week (but who isn’t anxious about having surgery?), birthday celebrations all week, and intense studying alongside doubts and fears that going to law school is the right decision. Yesterday I had therapy, where we talked about how I’m handling all of these things, and then I came home, meditated, and felt like I needed an oracle card.
This old, wise, caring, powerful Faerie reminded me of many conversations I’ve had with my therapist: right now I am learning all I can about how I function best, in a world that wants to put me into a box that doesn’t quite fit. But the more I know about myself, the more grounded I feel, the more able to weather the storms that are coming. And they are coming: that’s what life is. Constant change. The more I stay connected to my roots, though, like the wise old Oak Men, the more I can stay myself while tossed around.
It was a good reminder that I’m on my side, not the side our culture expects me to be on.
I should go draw an oracle card for today (maybe I’ll draw one daily?), then take a practice test. This weekend is pretty busy again, but I’ll try to post on Monday—and of course keep up with me on Instagram and now also Twitter. All bets are off on whether I keep up with everything from Tuesday on, next week: recovering from surgery is going to be my main priority.
2 thoughts on “Nervous, fearful, and ready”
Happy birthday! And I hope your recovery after surgery is smooth and quick 🙂
‘Ready’ is the operative word! I share your fear of leading discussion – you just have to go for it! Hope it went okay 😀 I love the Oak Man card you drew, and it’s connotations of stability and reflecting on sloooooow steady growth.
Sending love and strength for your operation too – will be thinking of you x
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