Things I am working on:

• Setting up a web development environment on my computer
• Spending hours reading state laws and tax considerations
• Playing with new accounting software to understand how things work

Okay, when I get obsessive, I get obsessive. But I always have to take a minute to step back and re-evaluate what I’m avoiding when I’m in moods like this. Am I putting something off? Did I tell someone I would do something and then completely forget about it? If I completely forgot about it, is it because it makes me anxious? Am I avoiding things?

Anxiety is a mental illness that makes my brain run down pathways that keep me from doing the things I need to be doing. So while I am glad I’ve done the things above, and there is definitely more that needs doing with the web development part, I knew today I had to stop for a minute and reset my brain. Running in circles does not make things easier, SJ.

What did I find when I forced my brain away from the drug of the new shiny projects? I still hadn’t sent an email to my care team that I’d meant to on Friday. I was really behind on some grassroots outreach I said I’d do. And I had completely forgotten about a project my dad sent me. These are the reasons learning how to manage my mental illnesses is so important. My brain likes to direct me to thoughts that keep me stuck in bad habits. So every few days I need to stop. Reset. And think about something else in my life and see what comes of that.

Do you get into habits too? Where you just keep going down that rabbit hole and don’t know how to pull yourself out? It’s hard not to, isn’t it? Let’s see what the Tarot says for the week, maybe through the lens of “reset your mind, back to basics”.

Nine of Pumpkins

As the first card, the Nine of Pumpkins wants my focus: this lady of leisure knows how to enjoy the sensual parts of life. The message to me is that it’s time to take a break and remember the feel of earth beneath my feet, cooking delicious food, and re-orienting myself into the sensual. Get out of my head for a bit. My head can get over-analytical and run in loops. My kitchen could use a cleaning and I could use some baked goods, so focus on that a little more.

King of Bats

The King of Bats here emphasizes mastery over business and legal matters. I’ve done enough research in the last week while waiting for things to process. I have these matters handled, like the King of Bats. He supports the Nine of Pumpkins in the message that this time, I can relax and take care of myself for a bit instead.

Knight of Ghosts

I’ve seen the Knight of Cups a few times recently. In this spread, he’s not telling me to listen to the undercurrents of a situation and navigate the waters smoothly, he’s probably focusing more on the fact that I’ve been more introverted and introspective than usual lately. I’ve stopped talking to people with my obsession lately. That’s not how to keep my community going. I miss them, and I don’t know how to express that properly. So it’s time to bake some bread (Nine of Pumpkins!) and bring it over to a friend’s and talk about what’s going on with me.

I’ve been forgetting to do my one card draw the last few days (… or week) and these cards also want to remind me that I learn so much about myself and work on different perspectives when I take my cards out every day. So I had better make sure I do take out my cards tomorrow and work with them again!