Looking Forward – Witchling in Flight

Using the cards in the right state of mind

2 November 2015 SJ

One thing I want to combat with Witchling in Flight and my writing is the tone of articles on the Internet about how you should do this or that, but don’t give you the author’s experience with it. So much of what I read these days is about how this person did something, and you can do it too, or BuzzFeed lists of “how to” that have no personal voice. I grew up with blogs and LiveJournal and teenagers on the outside trying to find a place to fit in on the Internet because we couldn’t find our place outside of it, and that’s the ideal I hold in my head for what we all could be when we share our stories here. I want to talk about things from my experience, not from scientific trials and research conducted by big companies. I want to tell you what I have found to be true to my soul, and I want to hear your stories too.

So I can’t lie to you about why I’m not able to pull any cards today.

I keep reading all these articles about how to care for your friend with depression, or how it really feels, or “there are more people with depression than we think, we should be talking about this!”, and it never makes me feel like I’m being spoken to as a person. Depression is one of my chronic illnesses, and it’s been flaring this week. I don’t understand why, and I do all of the things I have learned over the years to take care of myself, and sometimes it’s just not enough. The flood of voices in my head eager to tell me I’m worthless, have no value, that no one wants me around sometimes gets too loud and crashes all of my barriers.

Yesterday was one of those days.

I am better today, I think, because I am at the point of being able to recognize that those feelings have nothing to do with me or how my community sees me. But those feelings and thoughts still take over, and it takes all the energy I have just to be awake and survive until I can fall asleep again and hold out hope that in the morning I’ll be stronger. That sleep will reinforce the barriers between the real me and the voices telling me I don’t belong to this world.

Now it’s morning, and they’re reinforced, but still not blocking all of the evil thoughts in my head.

Part of the reason I have had such a hard time staying connected to Tarot when I first got interested in it is because I was in such a deep depression at the time, and I refuse to read the cards when I know my judgment is clouded by my mental illness. It’s now years later and I spend more days happy with myself than not, but I still believe that I shouldn’t take out the cards to read for others when I’m feeling this low and this stuck behind a dark cloud. So this week, I’m going to focus on other things, on trying to distract myself to a better place. It might show up as some extra blog posts about other journeys of self discovery. It might just become knitting and watching Star Trek: The Next Generation for many hours this week. (I’m so happy to be knitting!) I might just set up a few blanket forts in the living room. It’s all okay. I’ll get through this, and come out on the other side again, and then I’ll pick up the cards and be delighted to find my way back.

Looking Forward 26 October 2015

26 October 2015 SJ

Things I am working on:

Setting up a web development environment on my computer
Spending hours reading state laws and tax considerations
Playing with new accounting software to understand how things work

Okay, when I get obsessive, I get obsessive. But I always have to take a minute to step back and re-evaluate what I’m avoiding when I’m in moods like this. Am I putting something off? Did I tell someone I would do something and then completely forget about it? If I completely forgot about it, is it because it makes me anxious? Am I avoiding things?

Anxiety is a mental illness that makes my brain run down pathways that keep me from doing the things I need to be doing. So while I am glad I’ve done the things above, and there is definitely more that needs doing with the web development part, I knew today I had to stop for a minute and reset my brain. Running in circles does not make things easier, SJ.

What did I find when I forced my brain away from the drug of the new shiny projects? I still hadn’t sent an email to my care team that I’d meant to on Friday. I was really behind on some grassroots outreach I said I’d do. And I had completely forgotten about a project my dad sent me. These are the reasons learning how to manage my mental illnesses is so important. My brain likes to direct me to thoughts that keep me stuck in bad habits. So every few days I need to stop. Reset. And think about something else in my life and see what comes of that.

Do you get into habits too? Where you just keep going down that rabbit hole and don’t know how to pull yourself out? It’s hard not to, isn’t it? Let’s see what the Tarot says for the week, maybe through the lens of “reset your mind, back to basics”.

Three Halloween Tarot cards scattered face up over the face-down cards: Nine of Pumpkins, King of Bats, and Knight of Ghosts

Nine of Pumpkins

As the first card, the Nine of Pumpkins wants my focus: this lady of leisure knows how to enjoy the sensual parts of life. The message to me is that it’s time to take a break and remember the feel of earth beneath my feet, cooking delicious food, and re-orienting myself into the sensual. Get out of my head for a bit. My head can get over-analytical and run in loops. My kitchen could use a cleaning and I could use some baked goods, so focus on that a little more.

King of Bats

The King of Bats here emphasizes mastery over business and legal matters. I’ve done enough research in the last week while waiting for things to process. I have these matters handled, like the King of Bats. He supports the Nine of Pumpkins in the message that this time, I can relax and take care of myself for a bit instead.

Knight of Ghosts

I’ve seen the Knight of Cups a few times recently. In this spread, he’s not telling me to listen to the undercurrents of a situation and navigate the waters smoothly, he’s probably focusing more on the fact that I’ve been more introverted and introspective than usual lately. I’ve stopped talking to people with my obsession lately. That’s not how to keep my community going. I miss them, and I don’t know how to express that properly. So it’s time to bake some bread (Nine of Pumpkins!) and bring it over to a friend’s and talk about what’s going on with me.

I’ve been forgetting to do my one card draw the last few days (… or week) and these cards also want to remind me that I learn so much about myself and work on different perspectives when I take my cards out every day. So I had better make sure I do take out my cards tomorrow and work with them again!

Looking Forward 19 October 2015

19 October 2015 SJ

New week, new Looking Forward post. How are you doing? I’ve been spending a lot of time getting comfortable with the idea of opening a Tarot business, which for me means researching how to register in my state and whether I need to know anything about taxes. It’s exciting, so long as I don’t remember how much I doubt myself. Having anxiety is ridiculous.

But I’m absolutely looking forward to reading for others. While I’m waiting for things to clear through, though, I’ll be doing a lot of tweaking of this web site, tweaking of my best practices and habits, and reading and reflecting. Which I’m sure I’ll share at some point, but first it’s time for a Looking Forward reading for the week!

What should we look forward to this week?

Queen of Pumpkins, Knight of Pumpkins, and Four of Imps

Three Tarot cards from the Halloween Tarot deck: Queen of Pumpkins, Knight of Pumpkins, and Four of Imps

I see you there, Four of Imps. Telling me to have some fun. Telling me to go to a party, stop fretting about money so much, to let the forces do the work I’ve put into motion. It’s just so hard for me to let go of the anxiety and need to have everything under my control.

The Knight of Pumpkins bears the message of abundance, if I care to stop with the freaking out for a moment. That thing you’re waiting for right now? It’ll happen. Just give it time to get there.

And the Queen of Pumpkins wants to remind us that there is strength in making sure your foundations are solid. You can’t weather anything if you don’t have strong roots to hold you solidly to yourself. Is this metaphor going anywhere? I think not. In any case, an abundant garden is one with well-fertilized soil, and that’s a good thing to remember to take care of.

I realize I did this backwards, but it seemed like the thing I needed to hear most was the Four of Imps’s “Hey! Look at something else for a while. The more you concentrate on something, the less able the magic is to make it happen for you.” Which is a lesson I probably should know by now, with all the reading about magic I’ve been doing. So, as usual, I’ll be tending to my roots. I think I’ll start with enjoying some candle light. Have a wonderful week!

Looking Forward 13 October 2015

13 October 2015 SJ

I really did want to get this back to Mondays, but I was hit with so much exhaustion yesterday that I just couldn’t handle it. Next week. We’ll see how I do. 😉 I spent a couple of hours today researching some drama in the online Pagan blogging community, which made me pretty sad. It scares me how easily people can hurt other people, and I hope to be as calm of a presence as I can be.

Anyway, over the weekend I did a tiny bit of community organizing in the form of creating a Dreamwidth community for me and others to record our daily Tarot card draws and work together to study the cards: tarotstudies. Partly inspired by The Alternative Tarot Course, in which Beth practically orders you to draw cards every day, and partly in a community spirit of learning from others, I’m hoping it becomes a good community of Tarot reflection, contemplation, and discussion. If you, too, are in love with Dreamwidth’s site structure and mission, and are interested in the community, please do join!

Now that that’s out of the way, how about three cards to keep us company this week?

Ten of Pumpkins

The Ten of Pumpkins card from the Halloween Tarot

The Ten of Pumpkins shows us all we have at hand, if we only could take off our blindfolds and look around us. This card suggests that we have plenty of resources at our disposal, but we need to open our minds to what those resources could look like. Tens usually are the culmination of something, and right now the culmination seems to be of how much we’ve gained.

Six of Bats

The Six of Bats card from the Halloween Tarot

The Six of Bats is a bit confused, maybe even feeling a bit attacked by the knowledge coming from all sides. Maybe we’re listening to too many things, or maybe we need to find a focal point, because if we let ourselves get overwhelmed by things that don’t matter, we’ll have a pretty hard time with staying on track.

Five of Bats

The Five of Bats card from the Halloween Tarot

Meanwhile, the Five of Bats wants to caution us against holding important things too close to our chests. Again, the more we focus this week on small things, the more blind we are to the riches about us. Try and see things from someone else’s perspective: maybe there’s something we can learn from them, or maybe they’re trying to tell us something important about ourselves.

Looking Forward 5 October 2015

5 October 2015 SJ

This weekend was something. I alluded last week to working on a final comment collection push for my environmental activism, and on Friday we got the news that our work over the last five (!!!) years has paid off. Cue excitement and frenzy, plus a meeting with the utilities company—wherein they actually let me in the building. (A story we’ve been passing around for a year has something to do with their security people kicking me out…) We’d been planning an end-of-comment-period celebratory party tonight, but now we’re going to be celebrating even more.

This, and my weekend part-time job, and apple picking yesterday, and managing my depression and migraines (major headache last night, and major depression Friday night), and I’m pretty out of it. How are you doing? I’m really feeling like a person with disabilities today. All my spoons are used up, and I need to borrow from tomorrow’s for tonight’s event. It’s pretty intense. It’s re-shaping the way I look at life, having to think about managing my reserves this way. I don’t look sick. I look like a young, vibrant, joyful young woman a lot of the time, and that’s how I’ve been brought up to see myself. It really clashes with how I feel lately. Sometimes I wonder how much I could do if I didn’t deal with illnesses. I think I’d be a superhero, considering all I do while dealing with an unhappy body!

So I’m learning patience with myself and my body and re-shaping my narrative of myself.

How about some Tarot for this coming week, huh? I’d like a quiet week where the most I have to deal with is a cat on my lap most of the day. How about you?

Queen of Pentacles, 5 of Pentacles, and 9 of Pentacles

Three Fey Tarot cards laid out in a triangle on a table: Queen of Pentacles, 5 of Pentacles, 9 of Pentacles

It’s really autumn now that it’s October, so it’s a good time to revisit hearth and home, the grounding element of Earth that the Pentacles rule. This suit is the suit of what I said before: quiet time to snuggle a cat, eat apples picked yourself from the tree, and recharge with the energy the Earth can provide. The pentacle in 5 of Pentacles resembles a fire, even, to remind us to get cosy, maybe build a fire, drink some tea, and not worry too much about what’s going on outside, just take care of your own energy.

The 9 of Pentacles is a bit tricky, though. She seems ready to pass on a message: if you’re not going to slow down and let some grounding energy into your life, something you don’t like will happen. Something unbalanced. Got it, Lady 9. This week, I’ll make applesauce and deal with the bare minimum to live.

What about you? What makes you feel secure and comfortable when autumn arrives?

Looking Forward 29 September 2015

29 September 2015 SJ

Maaaaybe I’m moving this to Tuesday.

I needed a serious break yesterday! With all the mystical and spiritual things I got up to between Friday and Sunday, I was pretty tired—and I needed to catch up on some of my volunteer work. This week is the final week of comment collection for something I’ve been working on for four years, so I’m working on a final push for comments and social media rallying around the cause. Plus we’re hosting a great event on Monday night to celebrate the work we’ve done over the years, so I have to be available to work on the final details for that. It’s going to be quite a ride!

And, of course, I still haven’t made that one doctor’s appointment I’ve been meaning to amidst all the hustle and bustle. I’m striving toward balance, and not sure how well I’m doing it. Let’s see what the Tarot has to say for me this week.

(All of my cards have been soaking in the wonderful Blood Moon energy!)

IV The Emperor

The Emperor Tarot card from the Fey Tarot

King of his domain. Rules material matters. Associated with Aries, which rules the full moon this month. There are dominant, commanding people in store for us this week. And, he’s suggesting to me the victory with my volunteer work that I’m looking forward to at the end of the week!

VII The Chariot

The Chariot is reminding me that everything changes and the journey keeps going on, and that I am going to have to decide after Friday what my primary road is going to be. Do I keep working at the level I have been or do I back off a bit? It’s hard to back off, because there’s always so much out there to do, but sometimes necessary.

Ace of Pentacles

With the Ace of Pentacles as my last card, I know I have the ability to begin again. Aces are always at the start of a journey, and this is a journey toward making oneself comfortable at home. Maybe it even wants to remind us to take some time to meditate and ground ourselves in our daily lives. Maybe it also wants to remind us that we’re able to take care of ourselves with the skills we have now. Those skills will also help us down the path to financial security, so have confidence in them!

That’s all I got tonight. It’s starting to feel very autumn in my parts, and I’m looking forward to a cosy evening in with people who make me smile. Hope your week is starting off great!

Looking Forward 22 September 2015

22 September 2015 SJ

(Am I switching these to Tuesday? Time will tell…)

Lots of self-reflection and study happening in my parts. And, of course, rest. I’ve learned from a good friend that rest is work and I’m working on honoring and respecting my need for rest—without sabotaging that rest with guilt and doubts.

So I haven’t paid attention to last week’s cards this week. On top of that I’ve had some social anxiety when I’m in bigger groups, so there hasn’t been a lot of connecting to new people either! Which is fine. My priorities right now are to take care of myself and to commit to my Tarot and spiritual practices. Everything else is just stuff.

That said, what should we look forward to this week? How about one card?

Knave of Chalices

The Knave of Chalices card from the Fey Tarot deck

Be emotional. Be intuitive. Be intimate. Be loving.

Kind of exactly how I’m going to go about my week: act loving toward myself and be emotional and intimate with my friends when need be, and intuitive about the universe. Huh.

Looking Forward 15 September 2015

15 September 2015 SJ

All right, so I’m a day late. I had this whole new site to set up! Welcome to Witchling in Flight, which will continue to focus on Tarot with all the other things I’m interested in. There’s obviously still a lot for me to set up, but hey, I’m a work in progress, and this is my site. 🙂 It makes sense!

But I’m still excited to keep writing Looking Forward posts. Last week’s turned out SO true for me that I’m almost afraid to, but I just can’t give these silly Tarot cards up! I did some battle and look at my shiny new web site, which will hopefully turn into something great. So let me dive in to this week’s.

King of Bats

The King of Bats card from the Halloween Tarot deck

A strong, powerful authority figure with a penchant for law and justice. A firm enemy and a firm friend.

The King of Bats also weighs in on family matters, so if anything’s going on with your family lately, you might need a King of Bats to help right it. Try to avoid making the King of Bats into an enemy! It’s way better to have his force and power on your side.

Page of Bats

The Page of Bats from the Halloween Tarot deck

An eager, graceful, intuitive young person on a fact-finding mission. A flair for spydom.

This person is ready to take action, get things done, and make sure the momentum is going to keep going. If you have a big project that needs doing, find the Page of Bats in your life and harness their energy and enthusiasm. Maybe you are the Page of Bats? If so, I envy you!

Knight of Ghosts

The Knight of Ghosts from the Halloween Tarot deck

A poetic, yet driven young man striking out on his own. A message, a proposition, or invitation.

On this note, we want to balance out the solemnity of the last two cards with the Knight of Ghosts, a person who has more to do with dreaming a bit than coming up with amazing new things. If this person shows up in your life, make sure you’re paying good attention to how you’re feeling, and remember that feelings and emotions are good messages about whether you’re going in the right direction.

Conclusion

It looks like this week will present quite a few new people eager to push us toward in our quests. I have been noticing monumental changes in many friends’ lives this past week, and I think we’re making room for the next stage in our lives. We’ll have to keep a look out for this King, Page, and Knight to help us along in this journey.

Looking Forward 7 September 2015

7 September 2015 SJ

Happy Labor Day to those celebrating it! I’m thankful for unions and the work they’ve done to recognize that as human beings, we need to take care of ourselves, not place ourselves as cogs in the machine for profit. I’m also thankful for the work being done to recognize that as beings, it is worth it to exist, not because you bring in some tidy profit but because you are alive and here. And so we keep going.

So what energies are themselves known this week? I’m taking a break from Halloween to let the Fey guide me today.

2 of Pentacles

The card 2 of Pentacles from the Fey Tarot deck

News, messages, growth. Ties between the small and large, the material and the spiritual.

Sometimes, I really don’t get the tie between the meaning and the card. I would have to say that there’s the beginning of growth, of absorbing new ideas and concepts that will allow you to grow. On the other hand, I’d love to have ties between the material and the spiritual in my life, as I’m gearing up to “out” myself at Pagan Pride this coming weekend, and getting ready to put together a spiritual practice in the material world.

4 of Swords

The card 4 of Swords from the Fey Tarot deck

Reaction to problems, ability to fight, decisiveness. Preparing for conflict.

Oh, this Fey is most definitely putting on a warrior’s face. It sounds like a conflict is coming to a head, such as deciding between the material and the spiritual worlds, and the 4 of Swords is reminding us that we have the skills and gear we need to take on this conflict without hurting ourselves.

Ace of Wands

The card Ace of Wands from the Fey Tarot deck

Creativity, birth, beginning, potential.

On the other hand, the Ace of Wands promises a new beginning, one with much more potential for serenity and living in line with one’s values. (I swear I wrote that sentence before grabbing the key words! It’s just that easy to see.)

Conclusion

Take the time to gird your loins, stop putting off any conflict, and remember that if you approach this hurdle with your best values, you can start on the path to the rest of your life, for your highest good.

With all the upheaval in my emotional life in the last two weeks, this is an incredibly reassuring reading! I hope it helps someone else. Be well this week.

Looking Forward 17 August 2015

17 August 2015 SJ

My blogging mojo appears to be kaputt. But I’ve been wanting to bring back Looking Forward for my own amusement, and what better time?

Only one card today.

Five of Pumpkins

The Halloween Tarot card 5 of Pumpkins, with 5 pumpkins arrayed above two children in Halloween costumes, one pulling the other across the card

Being dragged along, taken on a journey only reluctantly. Don’t throw a tantrum like this child seems about to do, because what’s going to happen is for your good.

Kind of a “stop whining and get to work,” doesn’t it seem like? What have you been putting off that could use a little kick in the pants right now? Sounds like it’s a great time to get it done!